Please Curb Your Enthusiasm…For Negativity
Every organization has a similar cast of characters; those personalities within the team or department which are seemingly the foil for everyone else. It is as if they were simply placed there to create drama. They have been called many things, but can be often described as “Negative Nellies.” For these individuals, nothing is ever good enough, no one (other than themselves) has ever made a smart decision, and they are quick to point out faults in others, often bending logic and reality to fit a predetermined view of the world that always has them as the smartest person in the room. And they find a ready audience, too often with ourselves, since we often share their outlooks.
Loving Negativity
We love negativity, especially in the workplace. We love the sessions spent venting and complaining, blowing off steam, seemingly talking to kindred spirits who understand what needs to be done. They seem to have the same itch: that only you have the solution to all the problems (Why doesn’t anyone ever ask me?!), the good advice that you give and no one ever takes (Who put these idiots in charge?!), and the opinion that the world is populated by complete morons who are all conspiring against ME and my greatness.
Negativity is an unfortunate outlook or reaction toward so many of our daily events. Business and life are not easy and there are no sure bets. Often, both business and life do not run smoothly, and often they both run poorly at the same time. There are continual pressures in each sphere of our lives. We know this and yet we still bridle at it. When something does not go according to plan, so often we allow it to mentally spiral us out of control, negativity permeating our thinking and plans. I want to point out here that we need to make a distinction between daily negativity and occasional days of depression or feeling down. The occasional bout of depression is often an anomaly and the exception; it’s why it stands out. A mindset of negativity is an overriding pessimistic and critical outlook on the world and daily life.
Leadership Costs More
We all know that negativity is a poor servant and a worse master. So why do we love it?
Because it is so easy.
Leadership, action, and energy are so much harder, so much more demanding. I attempt to remember this every time my own supervisor or our organization’s leadership moves forward with a decision that I disagree with (which is often). The truly hard work is making a decision. Decisions are hard because those decisions affect other people. There is an opportunity cost to a decision, as well as unintended consequences and yet unknown results.
So much of our personal and professional discontentment is fueled by an enthusiastic appetite for negativity. Sometimes the realistic assessment of the situation is indeed dim and sometimes things are frankly just crap. But many times (the vast majority of the time), the situation is generally OK if not flat out good. Shoot, the situation might even be great from an outsider’s perspective. Then why are we so excited about negativity? Why do we seek out opportunities to complain?
We love negativity because it justifies our own inaction and gives us an external validation for our discontentment. (We react with an attitude of, “Well, this is dumb and it’s not my problem.”) It is also an arrogant attitude that helps build up our ego at the expense of others (“Morons! I would never do that.”)
The work of leading ourselves, and perhaps others, costs so much more and takes so much more effort over the long term, which is why it is not initially as attractive as complaining and griping.
Life Overlaps
We often forget that we are not machines and our life is not an assembly line. The different roles in our life are fluid and they overlap. If we are a Negative Nellie from 9–5 each day in the workplace, it is likely that we are negative and depressing the rest of the day as well. Our attitudes are not something that we turn ON/OFF with a switch; they take practice, diligence, and time to cultivate. This attitude can be cultivated in either direction, positive or negative, and will be comprehensive throughout our life.
Perhaps the daily gripe fest over coffee is actually a safer pressure release valve than stoically going through your days for years on end…and then one day going for your co-worker’s throat across the conference table. But why do we let it get to that point? Do we ever think: who the heck would hire me with the attitude I have now? How did I even get this job? Was I a complete liar on the day my current employer interviewed me?
What Does Negativity Cost Us?
Leadership and action may be costly, but negativity also has a cost. A negative outlook hampers us and hinders our goals in a variety of ways.
Time
We each have 24 hours a day. To waste that time on moping, complaining, and criticizing is doing ourselves and others a great disservice. We are taking the gift of the time we have been blessed with and squandering it with a cheap, easy, and contrary attitude, which produces nothing of value for anyone.
Energy
Negativity actually takes A LOT of energy to maintain. It’s exhausting, both for the individual and for the people around them. We see it time and again, especially in the workplace: if the amount of energy taken complaining about the work or the issue was just applied to the work, the task would already be done.
Relationships
We are a less attractive as negative people. No one wants to be around us when we are always complaining, griping, or criticizing. Even though there might not be the hard break of a broken relationship, there can very easily be the gradual pulling away, as folks find excuses or reasons not to contact or interact with us and our negativity.
Vision
When we allow our mental outlook to become clouded continually by negativity, our vision starts to falter. Our plans and goals become harder to grasp and we start presupposing defeat before we even start. We paralyze ourselves as we assume that nothing will work out anyways.
In C.S. Lewis’ allegorical story “The Great Divorce,” a spiritual bus is taking a load of souls to the entrance of heaven. Upon arrival the passengers are greeted by heavenly beings and encouraged to enter the kingdom of joy and rest. They are told, however, that they will only be allowed entrance if they give up the besetting sin or obsession that they have each been carrying around (personified in the story by a small person, sitting on each individual’s shoulder, whispering to them not to “let them go”, that they need the sin or the obsession, that it is precious to them). Several of the individuals choose not to let go of their respective sin or issue and do not enter the land of promise, preferring the return trip downward.
I mention Lewis’ story because I think it also rightly illustrates how we approach our own attitudes and outlooks. Too often we hold onto our easy negativity because it is precious to us. We would rather be self-righteously miserable than to simply move past our issue and work toward a better outlook and solution.
How Can We Change?
The first decision we need to make is whether or not we are even going to do anything about the issue at hand, which is supposedly the source of our negativity. So often we are negative about things at work or life that do not even directly affect us. It is amazing how we can get upset, bummed out, or even irate about something/someone/some decision that has little to no impact on our lives. We are convinced that everything affects us and we are important in so many ways when, in reality, much of the world moves around each day with not a thought for us. If it’s not an issue we are going to do anything about, we are likely better off not giving it any time or energy.
Too often the prescriptive advice or slogans that we encounter regarding our improving our attitudes sound cliché: “Too blessed to be stressed!” or “Have an attitude of gratitude!” While these are likely both true, we must be prepared for the fact that a cliché saying or inspirational quote is not the same as the hard work of molding our own outlooks and tempering our negativity. Included here is a link to some suggested tactics for how to combat negativity. They are not comprehensive and may not work for each of us, but at least they are a starting point with which to begin experimenting. If we are to avoid the pitfalls of negativity we must actively try out different tactics and habits to assist us in combating it. Fighting against this attitude must become a priority for us if we are to effectively and repeatedly defeat it.
I will include this tactic: I have begun to think of negativity as a disease, picturing it as a contagious plague. I would not willingly visit someone who has been struck down with the bubonic plague, so why would I willingly spend time with someone who is set about poisoning themselves and others around them with a miasma of negativity? With this in mind, I walk out of an increasing number of conversations with others and I attempt to snap myself out of negative mindsets.
Powerful Tool In An Ongoing Struggle
We must realize that the most powerful tool we have is self-awareness and introspection. Identifying negativity and a critical heart when they appear in our lives is the foundational part. How we deal with and move forward to change will likely vary for each individual, but being aware of the issue when it arises and understanding what it can cost us will better motivate us to deal with it immediately.
We must realize too that, for many of us, this will be a lifelong struggle. We will always encounter negativity in the world and the workplace. As mentioned above, each workplace seems to have at least one individual (maybe even a contingent of them) who is invested in being a stick-in-the-mud, dissatisfied, grumbling and full of pessimism employee. This is not something that we will escape, so we need to prepare and equip ourselves against it, lest we find ourselves part of the Negative Nellies pursuing a life poorly lived, apathetically content in our own limiting and negative outlooks. We each have too much to offer ourselves and our communities to allow negativity to control us.
Moving Forward:
Do you struggle with negativity and the habit of sharing that negativity?
Have you found any tips or tactics for snapping out of that cycle of negative thinking more quickly?
Originally published at fjwriting.com on July 10, 2018.
